Today stinks.

I really, really miss my dad today.  I don't know why today.  How do kids lose their parent early on and survive? I am a parent, an adult.  I know life and death go hand in hand.  Why can I not rationalize that I really will never see my dad again.  I look at pictures and it is still seems so freaking surreal. I beg daily to have him back for one more day.  Just one more time to tell him I love him and hear him say it back.  I used to be able to hear his voice in my head.  It's only been 5 months and it is already fading from me.  I hate it.  I really hate it.