One of two days in June I used to love. Now it is one of two days I dread. Why do specific days like these seem so hard? It isn't like I don't know that I don't have a father anymore to celebrate with. It is glaringly obvious. But this year especially, it is just another day to remind me that the one man that I knew I could always count on isn't here for me. The one man that would have never even considered lying to me or hurting me or not being there to catch my tears, is not here. I would literally trade anything for one second with my dad today. I need his hug more than anything in the world right now. I'd like to think that there is a heaven, he's there and watching me, but with that I also hate that if he can and is, he has got to be hurting up there watching me cry for hours on end over him not being here.
Today I have nothing. My sons' are with their dad, my mom is at 7 springs enjoying her day, and I am here, sitting alone on my couch feeling more alone in this world than I ever thought possible. But, I'll survive all of the tears. I will sit here for hours on end crying and then my boys' will come home and they will remind me that life is worth living and smiling for. Because no matter what is handed to me in this life, and what is taken away from me for no reason, the choice to move on and the choice to be happy is in my hands.
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