Another.....

I was browsing Facebook yesterday and realized I had missed a post my cousin (Tara) had posted last Friday.  I'm glad I missed it.  Because it would have just made me even more angry and sad.  My dad's death made me question everything I used to believe in with faith, God, life after death, etc.  I had always hoped, believed, that loved ones do look after each other when they pass.  What I didn't realize was they pick and choose I guess.

Friday night, Senior night at Leechburg.  Leechburg WON the game.  Score of 61 to 25.  Why is this important?  Oh, well Leechburg typically sucks, let alone to score THAT many points.  What is 61?  The number my dad wore all 4 years he played, starred, on the Leechburg football team.  Everyone posting about how nice is was Uncle Mike was there to support Tara, blah blah blah.  Hey dad, thanks for being here or showing me any sort of support when you know if you were living I'd be leaning on you the most.  Thanks for waiting a week for me to see the post, and hurt even more. 

So, another case of, I may look like him.  I may act like him.  I may have needed him and trusted in him.  But I am NOT him.  And I will never get to say half of what needs to say.  I will always have unanswered questions.  He's the lucky one.  Whether there is a heaven or not, whether there is an after life or not.  He is the lucky one.  Not here to see the family that isn't a family anymore.  The hatred.  The fighting.  Everyone looking at me to be the glue because I am "just like him"  Odd how my mom doesn't even want to be around me and only wants to find comfort in stuff that isn't a reminder of him.  And THAT includes me.  Seems I am the only thing or person that is the problem.  I accept it. It is what it is and what it will always be.