Birthdays for a Mom

Some how growing up birthdays were always so cool.  They meant you were a year older and it was something to celebrate and get super excited about.  As we get older we realize missed opportunities, life changes, body changes, health changes and missing people as we grow older.  I realize this year, birthdays for me, they're pretty depressing.  But I am incredibly lucky to have all three of my boys' birthdays very close in following mine.  Because birthdays as a mom takes on a whole new meaning.  It can become happy and exciting and a day, week, month to be celebrated.  Both older boys birthdays are in February (4th and 18th) throw in Valentine's Day and parties at their school for that and it is a crazy busy month full of life, laughter, love and watching joy through my babies eyes.

Lucas had his very first class party this past weekend in celebration of his 6th birthday.  I had forgotten the joy that you can see straight through the kids as they experience this.  It made me slowly remember what it was like when Logan experiences it four years earlier.  He was SO happy.  Beaming ear to ear as he ran around with his little friends.  And now this Friday I get to host 6 boys (9 and 10 years old) for a movie sleep over to celebrate Logan's 10th birthday.  Number one, seriously where has the time gone? Number two, Lord help me.  Taking volunteers for sure as I will be making three cakes that night for orders as well.

The point in all of this is birthdays as a mother are a whole new ballgame.   While on mine, I am sad and realizing life is slowly going past me and while I try to enjoy every moment, it really just isn't possible.  I am also able to recognize that the boys still see joy and happiness within their birthdays.  So excited.  Beaming with pride and the thought of growing up.  I want them to stay little forever but we all know that isn't possible.  For now, I hold on to the pictures of my babes happy and content and beaming with happiness.  Their happiness will bring me mine.  I believe that.

Wish my dad were here to celebrate.  Truthfully each year that passes, each birthday that passes, no one mentions how he would enjoy it or what he'd say or think and it is all in my head. Birthdays with the boys were always his favorite.  And Kaden will never experience it.  Kaden sure got the short end of the stick on far too many things.

Hard to believe this little boy:

Is now this big boy three years later:

Time should stop.  But until then I will take my mini me and all his beaming happiness and remember why I am here.

And remember how happy this guy was for all the parties.  His smile could light a room.  And I have his smile and so do my angels.

Notice the date.  Will be four years on Friday.