The Patch :-)

My dad was a frequent smoker.  I remember for YEARS my mom trying to get him to quit.  She would quit for a little while and then start again...it was a pretty bad cycle.  I never wanted to be like that.  I was always one to quit instantly when pregnant and then start right back up as soon as I was done breastfeeding.  Why quit for so long just to start again?  Sure there are a ton of excuses I could give - stress, life, a few minutes away, but really, in the end, it is just BAD.  And I know this.  And for two straight years I have said I HAVE to quit.  Then a few weeks ago, Lucas asked me when I would quit for him.  For some reason, that one struck a chord.  He was noticing.  Then Kaden pretended to Smoke.  Seriously, what am I teaching them?  For a long time many different people have told me I should quit.  I would laugh and joke and say I'm not a quitter.  I saw my parents do the seesaw of quit, start, quit, start - I didn't want that.  Truth is - quitting is scary for me.  Excuses are endless.  I don't handle stress well.  And I'm under a ton of stress.  Work, home, kids, friends, family, the list is endless.  But, today I popped that patch on and I can't smoke.  I'm stuck at work, having a pretty craptastic day and I canNOT smoke.  Literally can cause me to go in to immediate cardiac arrest.  So - I'm typing.  This morning when I needed one desperately, I went to the basement and got on the treadmill.  I just did sit ups on my classroom floor.  My options to distract are limited and I feel trapped.  But, in the end, this too shall pass.  So, Day 1.  Just over 12 hours since my last cigarette.....Damn that seems like a freaking eternity.......No one could make this decision for me or give me enough reasons to quit or not to quit.  So, my decision, is to quit.  And to stay a quitter.  At this.  And I am going to make a damn good quitter.